Valentine’s Day is an annually emotionally damaging checkpoint that makes the social pressure to be in a relationship unbearable.
In case you weren’t stressed enough during the recent holidays, now you have to worry about what special gift your significant other wants on a day designed around showing how much you love them.
Set aside the fact that this celebration is based on the unnecessary death of a third century Roman priest (spoiler alert: Saint Valentinus had to die to be martyred) and the anniversary of a bloody massacre in Chicago during the ‘20s, Valentine’s Day is a neurotic day that single people and couples alike must endure, each in different way.
Feb. 14 is dreadful because it has become an obligation. If you are a man in a relationship, you are caught in an exponential and always escalating pursuit to impress the lady in your life.
If you are single, get ready to have the amount of happiness in your life measured by every other person around you.
It is an inherently stupid premise of waiting an entire year to show that special someone that you care about them for just 24 of the 8765.81 hours in the year. Or the odd and perverse appreciation and excitement that women get when presented with a bouquet of slowly dying vegetation which they will carry through the day like a trophy.
Also, add to the mix a day of having an invisible sign that tells everyone “hey I am single, bring on the loaded awkward stares” or “hi I am in a relationship, and the person whom I am with is disappointed I didn’t outdo last year’s ridiculous broad romantic gesture.”
Valentine’s Day also subliminally makes couples address the proverbial “where is this going?” question, which, unless you are with the perfect person for you, will be an uncomfortable conversation to say the least.
Feb. 14 is your guaranteed annual headache. The only thing sweeter than not acknowledging it, is the candy sold at half price in massive quantities the day after.