AMending means less spending, stitches lead not to riches. . .@ These beautifully elaborate and catchy rhymes incessantly droning, from carefully placed ceiling speakers, into the slumbering and receptive ears of the children comfortably nestling in their systematically placed and immaculately clean beds at the local conditioning center in Aldous Huxley=s A Brave New World, seem to mirror, or echo, or fundamentally define our goal for a popular, complacently lucid ideology for tomorrow=s cooperative mentality. We must keep this economic wheel turning if we are going to reach our goal. And if your serotonin level isn=t high enough to cope with the often mundanely-perfect monotony that accompanies the clock punching precision and uniformity of today=s, industry driven, school preparation, well, we=ll just have to change your brain chemistry. Because, you see, today, it is much easier to change your mind than it is to adjust the environment which compels your awkward neurology to manifest raucous, free willed and uncontrollable behavior.

In today=s world we just slap an ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) placard on your chest and send you into an amphetamine frenzy which will irresistibly urge you to be a valuable component to our society and GET YOUR WORK DONE. After all, the short-lived civilization that has come closest to grasping humanity=s ultimate goal of total efficiency was the one that introduced speed to the world. Just take these Ritalin pills and the distractions holding you back from the rewards of a JOB WELL DONE will be things of the past.

Why use Ritalin rather than more common amphetamines? Well the logical answer to that is straight-economics, my friend. According to clinical psychiatrist Dennis H. Clark, ARitalin is a different chemical from cocaine and amphetamines, it has almost an identical effect with two important differences. First, milligram per milligram, Ritalin is more potent than cocaine or amphetamines. Second, the effects of Ritalin last longer than cocaine or the amphetamines.@ So you see, it would be a terrible blunder and a crime against efficiency to use such weaker versions of stimulation. We intend for you to get your moneys worth.

You are not alone! Don=t you worry. There are many little girls and boys just like you who are just as unconventionally special. But we=ve been able to cure them too! Salon Magazine reports that Aprescriptions for psychoactive drugs for children has increased three fold in the last decade@ and states that Aover 3 million American children get Ritalin to control their hyperactivity or cut through their lassitude.@ More and more youngsters like yourself are being placed beneath the lobotomy-like blissfulness of our blanket of assimilation. You won=t feel compelled to make your own decisions any longer, or be bothered by pesky feelings of boredom or internal anxiety. Ritalin=s blinding ability to cloak useless sensation, and the direction it provides you with will make your time slide by more quickly and more productively than you ever thought possible. Long gone will be the days when you spent your time distractedly idling about somewhere upon the vast and ambiguous peripheral. You=ll enter the tunnel-vision of success with a vigorous tenacity, ever keeping your eye on the prize. Never mind that according to the research of free lance writer Arthur Allen, the affliction requiring this prescription is Adiagnosed roughly ten times as often (in the United States) as in Europe or Japan.@ The heads of these national bodies obviously aren=t capable of sacrificing their moral and ethical solidarity for the good of the whole.

This pharmaceutical assault on inefficient personality types promises to cease the controversy-promoting aspects of life; to lull the moral majority into complete social harmony. Useless, distracting, and often ridiculously personal things like art, music, dance, literature, philosophy, and religion, will all be things of the past once we can weed out the genetic defect which coaxes potentially good and productive citizens to waste their time with such atavistic endeavors.

The symptoms of this defect are disastrous to the economy we as a nation depend on for survival. The sordid behaviors include inattention, unwillingness to accomplish assigned tasks, organizational difficulties, misplacement of items, tendency to become distracted, forgetfulness, and possibly the most disturbing of all: excessive talking. These symptoms are a cancer on the more-than-adequately-provided-for children of today and threaten to corrode the social devices that weaves the industrial fabric providing us with our lavish comfort.

So don=t feel bad, or different because you have to take this drug in order to successfully merge with your environment, our environment. After all, that=s what the drug is for! We want all our children to be nice, happy little people who, in turn, will eventually become nice, happy big people, meticulously paying attention to the details of production and the trends of consumption. As soma was to Huxley=s fictional utopia of Aour Ford,@ Ritalin will be to our society: AAll the advantages of Christianity and alcohol without the defects.@ Ritalin Uber Alles!