- a few cents but not much sense
The piss river stunk up from below the yellow brick road and flowed like a river of molten gold out of King Tut’s asshole. An inner tube piled high with lost orphans was being tugged around the outskirts of OZ by a greedy coyote; soon to disappear through some chain link and lose itself in the bowels of our dust
bowl.
"Down here the air smells different. Your nostrils have
to grapple with it."
Yes, and down there plaster animals are painted like villains and gnawing at a roasted puppy impaled on a flaming spit is considered fine dining.
*
The sun planet was just descending when Squirts eye was caught by something. He wriggled his hand out of Sea Dogs and darted into a little tienda where a dozing fat man wearing a straw hat rested.
"How much for this one?"
Inquired the excited Squirt.
"Hey Pop! C’mere, looky here at this!"
Sea Dog was a tall, thin man. His sunken face suggested that he was not well aquainted with the pleasures of our world. He wore a silver handle bar mustache and ruby red cowboy boots made from dyed copperhead hide.
"My God! Now that’s a fine find boy. ...How much amigo?"
The fat man raised his heavy lids and dug ‘tween his teeth with a long, sharp pinky nail. He looked at the two of them standing, holding their selection -a portrait of their king with a tear barreling down his chubby cheek painted over black velvet- and furrowed his brow. The artist belched out a briny bargain, a foul wave of scale and stink.
"Yellowtail," he moaned.
Sea Dog rummaged through his coat pocket for a minute then, like a magician with a rabbit, produced a slimy fish; it’s eyeballs staring dead like two glazed doughnuts.
*
Around the porthole to Candyland lounged winged Oaxacans. There were some circling high above dodging around and floating down between the majestic and the macabre, two pinnacles which rose high above the sweet escapists mecca, puncturing the bloated firmament with their grand stilettos.
Guardians of the frenzied world of mind, these old creatures, the original inhabitants of the land were now rubbish handlers, the untouchable dog-eaters, like the Sudras of Varnasrama-Dharma. They hovered high with serpentine offspring clutched, dangling from their toothless maws. In front of the setting sun planet, they disappeared from sight only to reappear with those cherub seedlings bright.
"Some gums are for chewing or for blowing bubbles best
but the gums that are for rotting are the gums that I like best."
*
Sea Dog slid a bauble the size of an RNs sheathed fist to the doctor who waited across the counter. After studying it for a few seconds the drooling Doc lifted his bulging eyes.
"I know what YOU need."
Atop a high shelf behind the counter perched a spotted lemur shamelessly copulating with a strange looking cat. The thing was shitting as it dug away into that fine feline, Its simian sphincter releasing an ass-load of feces. The ape screeched and yowled, wiggling its eyebrows and bearing its proto-teeth as it released load after load of putrefied banana like a denizen of heaven running low on lightning bolts. He seemed to declare,
"Hey, I’m no monkey, I just ocelot."
The doctor slid a foil slab back over the countertop to Sea Dog.
"Don’t mind him, he’s Apeshit."
*
At Reginas Squirt and Sea Dog were escorted into a dark corner booth by a grinning midget wearing a garland made from painted lotus petals. The two were immediately joined by Lolita, a dancing piece of chicken in pasties, who could shake her hips with the fury of buckshot; and then Carmen, who greeted Squirt by inserting her wasted penis into his ear. Squirt swatted at it like a saint protecting a bug lamp.
The corners of the hall held pedestals where eunuchs in loincloths stood guard. One held a strand of ass-brown pearls and pinched the clasp between his thumb and forefinger.
*
When Sea Dog returned from the banos, his mustache frosted with sky blue cat tranquilizer, Squirt got up out of his chair.
"I’ll see you down stairs."
Carmen tried to restrain Squirt with her painted talons. She pulled him close to her chest and pleaded.
"No, no buy me a drink, sweetie please."
Sea Dog leapt up onto the table, knocking around its empty bottles, and howled. This display seduced the attention of entire hall.
"Bring me twenty five Cuba Libres!"
"I’ll see you DOWN STAIRS," Squirt informed his father impatiently.
-but the old man could only hiss back.
*
Outside the streets were frantic and full of strangers from the north and native merchants. A man with shaggy hair and spectacles approached Squirt.
"You wanna ride the fuckin’ swamp rat kid?"
Squirts eyeballs spun in their sockets.
"What swamp rat?"
On the opposite corner of the street there slumped an emaciated capybara.
-but it was painted white with black stripes.
"Why does it look like that?"
The man spun quickly back to his pet and then pulled off his spectacles, leaning his shaggy head into Squirts.
"What do you want from me you fucking pig ...Mickey Mouse?"
*
Meanwhile, back inside Reginas, Sea Dog had swallowed all twenty five Cuba Libres and replaced them with his own smelly urine, which he offered the clubs patrons, pawning the vile drink off as "A Sea Dog Surprise."
*
Outside a soldier held up a lamp post, spinning a pistol around his finger. His other hand had been digging around in his pocket when he noticed Squirt.
The doorway to the right was filled with warmth and light. A pregnant nun squatted on the second to last step of the case eating something out of a jewelry box.
"Hey kid." The soldier stuck his pistol under Squirts jaw and whispered into his ear, "You like eet when dey do dis een thah moovies?"
Just then the nun shrieked and spat up a mouthful of something brown. A rumble of bodies tumbled down the stair case and like a specter Sea Dog burst out of the light barefoot. A pack of half-naked eunuchs rolled down the staircase after, emitting high squeals like a school of dolphins caught in a tuna net. They hurled Sea Dogs boots after him, but the man ran like a cheetah on crank. Squirt tried to catch up with his old man but saw him fly around the corner into a dark labyrinth with a flowing tail of fur as an accomplice. The pursuit was futile. The disappointed eunuchs looked to the young Squirt as a sacrificial lamb; the gun toting mad man held the means in his right hand; the shaggy swamp smuggler will feed his pet anyway that he can; the scented midget minus grin had seen all that he could stand. Squirt brushed off Sea Dogs boots an slid them on up over his knees. As the crowd envelope him Squirt shut his eyes and whispered, "There’s no place. -Like Hell!"
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