How to Become a Supervillian in Ten Easy Steps

1: Go villain! -->1

2: Get a sidekick. -->2

3: Get evil characteristics.-->3

4: Get a cool name.-->4

5: Every villain needs a lair.-->5

6: A diabolical scheme is a must. -->6

7: Make your name known.-->7

8: Hide!-->8

9: Hit your sidekick.-->9

10: Challenge some hero.-->10

You are now a super villain. You may not last long, but you are now a name to be feared by either many or few. If you succeed in accomplishing your goal, I recommend that you take a nice vacation (even super villains need vacations!). Just remember: if at first you don’t succeed, being a super villain is not for you.

1 You have to be a villain to be a super villain. Superheroes only care to fight people who endanger lives. Being self-centered is always a good start on your way to becoming evil. When going evil ask yourself these questions: why am I doing this? What’s in it for me? Will this new line of business pay better than what I’m already doing?

2 Not every villain has a sidekick. But unless you have fallen into a pit of radioactive goop lately, you will probably need one. These sidekick fellows can come in quite handy from time to time. You can send them off to get killed by the hero while you run off. You can hit them every time you don’t feel well. You can have them find dead bodies and complete other various unpleasant tasks for you. Sidekicks are mostly good for giving useless advice and taking the blame for your mistakes. WARNING: don’t rely too heavily on your sidekick(s). Sidekicks have a tendency to get killed by their masters and by their masters’ enemies. When selecting your sidekick, ask yourself the following questions: how annoying is my sidekick? Would having a sidekick of the opposite gender make me look more diabolical? Or would it just look ridiculous? What is my sidekick’s IQ? Should I have more than one sidekick? Would my sidekick decide to turn on me at any point in my career?

3 Evil laughs; sinister songs, black masks, long flowing robes, acid-burned faces, and cybernetic arms are all good characteristics. Why stop with good? Get original with your characteristics! If all your devices make an Inerlochi sound then you are heading in the right direction. When acquiring evil characteristics it is good to ask the following characteristics: Would these characteristics actually be helpful? Or would they just be fun? Are my characteristics too stereotypical? With these characteristics would I be able to go to the movie store and not get arrested?

4 Unless you are really lucky, you probably weren’t given a sinister enough name. John Doe just doesn’t cut it. How can people fear you if they cannot remember your name? Your name has to reek with an odor of evil. When selecting your name it is advisable to ask yourself: does this name fit me? A name is more than just a label. It describes you! Make sure your name fits with your evil characteristics.

5 Lairs are great places for villains to hang out and beat up their sidekicks in. Unless your house is creepy and weird, don’t use it! If it’s your parents’ house, don’t use it at all. Basements full of rats are always fun! Abandoned mine shafts, warehouses, factories and other such places are nice. Being underground often gives one a sense of security. When selecting your lair, ask yourself: does this lair fit my characteristics? Is it in the right location? How far do you have to send your sidekicks to get the groceries? Am I getting all I can out of my lair?

6 Ruling the world, obliterating all life, getting rich, and becoming a DJ are all good schemes. It is good to have a clever name for your scheme. If your scheme has a frightening name then people with think it’s evil, even if it is just to buy a banana split. When planning your scheme, it is wise to ask of yourself the following questions: are there any really obvious flaws to my plan? How long will it take for me to complete my scheme? Do I even know where to find crystals of power? Or will salt crystals suffice? Do I need legions of terror to accomplish my goal? Or will two people be enough?

7 It is time now to reveal your evil to the world. Blowing something up, showing up on television, and attending a DJ party are all good ways to make your name known. When planning your big introduction, you may want to ask the following questions: have I selected the right time? Do I have a backup plan? How big do I need to make my introduction? Should I announce my scheme to the world when I make my intro?

8 Although the ordinary police force will be no match for your evilness, it still seems a wise idea to hide. If they spend their time looking for you, then they won’t spend it trying to stop your evilness. You can send your sidekick off to retrieve those crystals of power while you hide in your lair. When hiding, ask yourself these questions: How long should I hide? Do I have unlimited Internet access? Did I bring enough food and comic books? Are my parents going to try to search for me too?

9 It is about time you hit your sidekick. It’s not that they need it; it’s that you need it. Face it, you are now hiding away with nothing much to do. Chances are you haven’t seen enough sunlight lately. There’s not much that can be more fun than hitting your sidekick. If it helps you at all, you can give your sidekick a good excuse for hitting him. When hitting your sidekick, ask these questions: How hard should I hit my sidekick? Should I only hit my sidekick when I feel especially irritable. Do I even need to hit my sidekick? Or should I have a robotic arm do it for me?