You did it! You graduatedDIH Glossary high school! So now what? Well, if you're one of the millions of graduates who are planning on attending college at one of the many California UniversitiesCap 22 get in line! Back in 2003 California's population was close to 36 million and this year's numbers have undoubtedly increased. Unfortunately, California{***}16 being one of the most expensive places to live, has also some of the most outrageous college tuitions. California colleges attract students from all cultures, religions{***}16 and races from all over the world. The State of California offers Cal Grants to pay for chosen students so that they can receive a college education. The key is "chosen students{***}3" but the criteria for eligibility for these few are based on the biasMeaning? of your financial status without consideration of other factors. California has a certain process for allocating their money and education seems to take the back seat as being a top priority when it comes to forecasting those budgets. Within this system, a 4.0 grade point average is not rewarded as the means for identifying potential candidates. The State of California needs to re-evaluate their Cal Grant selection process to include equal opportunities for all student applicants.

In this golden state, if an average family of four has a combined income of $67,600 or more a year between both spouses, meaning each spouse made a minimum of $33,000 a year, you do not qualify for a Cal Grant "A." This grant consists of tuition, fees at as public and/or private college of your choice as well as some occupational and career colleges. At CSU and UC schools this Cal Grant covers up to all the fees. When attending a private college, this grant will pay up to $9,700 towards tuition and fees. That would be an entire new learning experience at a prestigious, diverse, college of your choice paid for by the State. It is definitely something that these "granted students" cherish and greatly appreciate whether they earned it or not.{1} What if your parents exceed the parameters income and you can't qualify for a Cal Grant? I've found that this seems to be a rising occurrence in many of my peers that are hard working, part timeHyphen 24b students. If your parents have a combined income that exceeds the "income ceiling" requirement provided by the state or if either of them has a college degree,{2} then that means that your parents can afford to send you off to college, which in turn denies you access to that financial help from the state. Considering that the cost of living has increased to an all-time high in California, the average family struggles to pay bills and average expenses just to maintain a normal lifestyle, much less have enough money to afford college tuition.{3} These students are still not eligible to be awarded grants to pay for school even though their parents outweigh allowable expenses.Doesn't make sense Shockingly enough, there are parents who can afford to put their son/daughter through college, and yet refuse. Again, these students are not eligible for a grant due to their parents' income bracket.

The feeling of being penalized due to these "set"{4} income parameters versus time, effort, hard work and grades{5} is something that some students are faced with. Community colleges now become the fallback position, due to convenient locations and lower costs. Palomar community collegeCap 22 {6} is an ideal example,3 tuition has more than doubled in the last year due to budget cuts in California so it7c continues to be a challenge to struggling students.

Evaluating the situation seems simple and yet the results are disturbing. Here we have smart, intelligent, ambitious students who have managed to graduateDIH Glossary high school with excellent grades and will potentially carry those same goals and ambitions with them to college. These are students who are looking forward to interacting with people who graduated from different schools, that come from different backgrounds, who grew up with different values and came from different countries or different states for the same reason, to receive an education. Giving them this financial help would potentially give them the learning experience that they will take with them for the rest of their life. Thus they are being denied because their parents don't see college as being important, or cannot afford it{***}Punctuation yet the state says they can. Feelings of frustration, depression{***}16 and failure seem to set in and students feel trapped and limited.{7}

At this point, most older students would consider applying for a bank loan to pay for their tuition. However, if you have just graduatedDIH Glossary high school, what bank is going to approve you for a $10,000+ college loan?{8} It could happen, but how many high school students do you know that have a hard time being approved for a credit card much less a loan for thousands? It seems that California is taking a stance with this financial aid program to show how important they feel a college learning experience is. Their program is proof of how significant a college education is for the "futuresSing/Plu of America." So why not spend a little more time and really evaluate each situation and each student who's eager to begin this next chapter in their life?

The requirements for the Cal Grant system should be re-evaluated and the selection criteria to be redefined. The question that really examines the motive for this evaluation system currently in place is,{9} how valuable is learning? How much does learning cost? How valuable is a college graduate to society today? Making that decision of whether or not a student should be eligible{10} for a college based upon their parents income should really be examined closely. These students are doing their part,3 they are applying themselves, focusing on their goals and following through with them.{11} The college grant system should be restructured to include: weighing GPA's; letting students who have over achieved the required grade point average to take priority in sequence for college money. Anyone would agree that students with exceptionally high grade point averages will continue to over achieve in college. Analyzing the parental income should remain, but by weighing the debt to incomeHyphen 24b ratio. A family who makes $75,000 a year but is in some serious debt, can in no way can afford to put their children through college, much less pay their bills{12}. Also, evaluating where current "Cal Grant funded" students are receiving their income from. If they are receiving money from their parents and yet their parents are not claiming them on their taxes, maybe this student should be investigated before further tuition is granted by the state.

Understandably it is not possible for the State of California to issue Cal Grants to every student who applies. That is not the point that needs to be emphasized.Omit needless words: 10a. California needs to look beyond the money. When I printed out copies of "pre-applications" that give you an idea of the kinds of information you needed in order to fill out a Cal Grant Application, it was asking the income numbers and job information. The first two pages of this application should be: "What do you want to attain after you've graduated college? What was your combined grade point average for all four years of high school? Did you work throughout high school? Do you live on your own? Do your parents help you out financially at all?" These are a few of the many USEFUL questions to help understand the kind of challenging situation this student is in.{13} Yes these types of questions can be answered with a yes or no but what if they were to implement questions that couldn't be filled in with a shading of the bubble? Then maybe these board members would actually have to read the applications and learn about the student and THEN decide whether they could use this financial stepping stone. I'm sure my ideas are not efficient enough to actually be implemented{14} but maybe by reading this essay, it will help the reader understand the importance of changing the Cal Grant system and the importance of education and learning. A student learns from their5b peers, from their teachers, from their actions. If a student graduates high school with excellent grades and looks to numerous sources for financial help but finds out they "don't qualify," how does that promote the importance of school? How does that promote what we were taught to believe, "that if you work hard enough, you will be successful." Rules and boundaries are put into place for good reasons, but there are always exceptions to the rules{***}3 so why can't this system be more flexible, more sympathetic, more understanding and actually evaluate the applicants on a personableWW basis rather than a paperwork basis? My "budget forecast" for the years to come if the protocol remains the same is: Over populated community colleges, college graduate decrease, cost of living quadrupling and again,{15} students dropping out. What message does this send to college bound students? That unless you have "poor" parents or supportive, wealthy parents you don't stand a chance? Good luck to the majority middle class group who are the ones that depend on this financial support.{16}

Word Count 1538

Works Cited

California Student Aid Commission. State of California.2003. <"http://www.csac.ca.gov/doc.asp?id=911> <<http://www.csac.ca.gov/doc.asp?id=911>{***}Correct works cited entry: 31a2 {17}

California Student Aid Commission. State of California. 2003. <"http://www.calgrants.org/abount-cal-grants.asp> <<http://www.calgrants.org/abount-cal-grants.asp>{18}

Thesis Statement: The State of California needs to re-evaluate their Cal Grant selection process to include equal opportunities for all student applicants.{19}

Feedback

You have a topic that is likely to be of interest to most of your readers. You have a point of view and you present it persuasively. It is, as you say in your self-evalaution, both informative and controversial. So, overall, I think this is quite a successful first essay.

I think you can make some improvements with further revision, however. You point out in your self-evaluation that the essay kind of wanders toward the end. In the last paragraph, you seem to be circling back and finishing arguments that you had raised earlier. What might make more sense would be to spell out your proposals more specifically earlier in the essay and then use the closing paragraphs to meet objections and present and really well-developed conclusion.

I think that the major objections to your postition would be these three. First, some might say that with limited resources it is most fair to make them available to those most in financial need. You sort of address this, indirectly, by suggesting that many people with middle class parents really are in financial need, but it just doesn't show up on the forms as they are currently designed. You could make that point more forcefully by giving a couple of examples, real or hypothetical, of students who need financial aid but couldn't quality for Cal Grants. Second, some might make the objection you imply at the end, that your proposals for increasing the number of questions and making them more detailed would be cumbersome to administer and expensive. You're somewhat limited in what you can say about this, but one way of approaching it would be to be more specific about how you would change the system and how the new system would be administered. You might find some comparisons of similar evaluation systems that work in spite of gathering more information. You should think carefully about how much you want to give up here. Right now you appear to make a proposal a little vaguely and then admit that it probably won't work. Third, some might argue that loans are a preferable option to grants for middle-class students because they will be able to pay them back. Here you should learn a little more about the guaranteed loan programs now in effect and explain to us why grants are better than loans.

You don't have to be dogmatic, and you don't have to be absolutely specific. But you want to leave us with the impression that this is a possible approach to the problem and that it would help a lot of people. Examples would help you to do that. Use specifics and examples.

Give some thought to how you might reorganize, and what additional evidence you might need, before we meet.