Wayne's Humorous Index
Wayne's Word Index Noteworthy Plants Trivia Lemnaceae Biology 101 Botany Scenic Wildflowers Trains Spiders & Insects Search
 INDICES:   Trivia Notes   Alien Species   Humorous   Remember When   All Facebook Notes 
 Humorous 1   Humorous 2   Humorous 3   Humorous 4   Humorous 5   Humorous 6 
Humorous Events In Wayne's
40 YearTeaching Career

Published Occasionally On Facebook

 © W.P. Armstrong 2020 

Listed By Posting Date In Chronological Order
Humorous Event #1 (22 November 2020)

Many years ago I was with a group of students at the Orangutan enclosure at the San Diego Zoo. I was discussing the fig leaf in my hand. Everyone was laughing because the Orangutan on other side of glass was pointing down with her finger. This was not a negative response by her. I soon realized that she was communicating with me--there was a gap at the base of the glass and she wanted my fig leaf!

Humorous Event #2 (22 November 2020)

Many years ago, after my lecture on hybrids, a biology student brought me an unusual "filbert hybrid" crossed with a rubber tree. I told her it was impossible. Then I cracked it open and a condom flipped into the air. I caught it with one hand and the class roared with laughter! Her mother made these at Christmas time for stocking stuffers. BTW, the popular spread Nutella® is made with filberts (hazelnuts)!

Humorous Event #3 (22 November 2020)

Currency Confusion: On a Palomar College trip to Costa Rica many years ago my spelling & pronunciation of Costa Rican currency was off by one letter, Cojones instead of Colones. I wasn't trying to be funny. When the lady at cash register said she was sorry for my misfortune I knew I had said something wrong. I basically told her that I had no testicles. This was one of the most embarrassing events in my lifetime.

Humorous Event #4 (28 November 2020)

I became acutely aware of arthropod parasites while walking off trails through meadow areas. The small sand grains on my buttocks turned out to be a dozen 6-legged tick larvae embedded in my skin. Luckily I was travelling with a colleague who carefully pulled them off and placed them in alcohol for identification.

  More Mite & Tick Images On Wayne's Word  

Humorous Event #5 (28 November 2020)

In another Costa Rica episode I went to a pharmacy to purchase sulfur powder to prevent red mites (called chiggers) from crawling above my socks. The pharmacist and I did not speak each other's language. From his hand gestures & pointing he obviously thought I had crab lice (suborder Anoplura), a minute parasite of the genital area. Customers lined up behind me were laughing, a form of expression understandable in both our languages.

  More Mite Images On Wayne's Word  

Humorous Event #6 (28 November 2020)

At a formal sit down dinner I accidentally touched my buttered dinner roll with the serving bowl passed to me. I had to wait until the bowl made a complete revolution around table before I could retrieve my roll. Luckily for me no one noticed my Peter Sellers imitation.

Humorous Event #7 (29 November 2020)

I once camped on the western slope of the Panamint Range, Inyo County on a very cold winter night. I was finally forced to climb out of my camper shell at midnight and put on long underwear. Unfortunately, I stood in a patch of stickseed (Lappula), a native wildflower with little nutlets covered with barbed prickles. This clothing transfer resulted in one of the most miserable, itchy nights I ever spent in my life. Ironically, I was on a quest for another serious hitchhiker, the pink-flowered Arizona devil's claw (Proboscidea parviflora), reportedly introduced high in the Panamint Range in the late 1800s by the legendary Shoshone named Hungry Bill.

  See Devil's Claws In Death Valley National Park  
More Borage Family Images On Wayne's Word
More Images of Ultimate & Painful Hitchhikers

Humorous Event #8 (29 November 2020)

I once purchased a penis sheath gourd at an ethic art show & sale. I think I was the only one who would even touch it. At the checkout I jokingly asked if I could bring it back if it didn't fit. They said I could try it on in dressing room! Years later I received an e-mail from a sales rep in New Guinea who apparently saw my gourd article in Wayne's Word. He asked if there was a market for penis sheath gourds in Palomar's book store. I told him yes but I never received a shipment.

  See The Wild & Wonderful World of Gourds  

Humorous Event #9 (7 December 2020)

Humorous Note #9. One of my first botany students over 40 years ago often brought unusual rare plants to the lab. They came from a field of vernal pools near the college, a gold mine of endangered species (now threatened by land developers). A local news reporter interviewed me for a story. I told him that I was embarrassed that I taught at Palomar College all these years and was unaware of this remarkable field. When the article was published it said: "Armstrong is embarrassed that he teaches at Palomar College." They left out the rest of my sentence. The President of Palomar College at the time, Dr. Fred Huber, called me into his office for an explanation!

  The San Marcos Vernal Pools  

Humorous Event #10 (Date Of Publication 14 July 2021)

Humorous Note #10. Many years ago I was a character witness for a Palomar College student who challenged her driving DUI charge at North San Diego County Superior Court. She disputed her blood alcohol reading by local police. After establishing that her other witnesses were unqualified, the prosecutor asked me if I had ever seen this "young lady" drinking. I replied "in moderation only" at a class party where beer & wine was served. This was an unfortunate reply because he then asked me to define for the court "moderation." Being a non-drinker, I estimated 3 mai tais per hour. The night of her citation, she was apparently out with her girlfriends for 3 hours. The prosecutor using some simple math came up with a total of 9 mai tais and asked me if I thought that amount would exceed the blood alcohol level of 0.08%. By this time the jury was laughing hysterically and the judge was pounding his gavel. I basically made an ass of myself, but the jury voted in her favor!