Letter to America’s Richest Man

Dear Bill Gates,

By any chance, did you receive my most recent Microsoft Error Report?  An invitation to send one in appeared on my monitor while I was attempting to download a beautifully-shot, two-minute feature from manchowder.com.

I do have a young computer that frequently prematurely-hibernates, because 30 seconds away from the download being complete, I suddenly received the said “Send Error Report” message, and though I had the best intentions to hit the “DON’T SEND” option, in my womanly frustration, I accidentally clicked the “SEND” button – compulsively - like thirty times – when I didn’t mean to, because I know Microsoft doesn’t have time for every single bullshit Error Report, so maybe some are diverted to the White House by the Patriot Act, this thought being the one that caused me to hit the “CANCEL” button – like twenty-nine times – because if the American Government receives the Error Report, they may also see that I enjoy streaming video of nude non-extremist Middle Eastern men, something I can tell a guy like you, Bill, because you’re an understanding philanthropist open-minded enough to understand my attraction to tall, dark Arabs, something I could never share with Uncle Sam, so next I went for the old 1-2-3, “ctrl+alt+del”, but all my clicking had my Mother Board’s panties in a virtual bunch, so I ripped my crazy fingers away from mouse and keyboard and held my palms on arrest, in the air, and patiently waited for the delicate little fucker to recover, while my mind wondered where in Washington D.C. my Error Report was sent, and if they had yet discovered my innocent “Teen Sheik” subscription, and when they did, what consequences would I face?

So, Bill, can you check with your people.  Did YOU get my Error Report?