Winter’s Passerby

its been two years
frozen breaths
kicked up sticks
a worn down ferris wheel by the bay

there's been so much eye contact
but only the feeling of numbness
never really touching
only wishing

snow covers the carnivale pier
and it becomes an old photograph
brown, black, and white
the smell of damp wood

what if i passed you
once on the street
our shoulders grazed and pushed past
just like sleep and unwanted dreams

i'm never in the picture
like an ignored life
i'm cast aside
into the smell of stale cigarettes

would you have recognized me
my suits now resemble winter
and have passed autumn
holding back spring

i remember her
a girl in a fluffy jacket, matching the snow
in a beanie two sizes too big
fits her now, but she never grew old

i dreamt that i recognized you
and the smell of roses
the feeling of silk in the air
the touch of your hair like dove's feathers

her grin is too big and too warm
to be on the face of poverty
joy beneath a gritty layer of dirt and coal;
your mind says silk, but you feel sandpaper.

my hand reached out for yours
and yours reached for mine
the familiar soft graze of compassion
sparked their connection

the picture comes to life
speeding through time
through smiles, and pain
and tears of shame

friction makes static
static makes a shock
and so you turn around
eyes glazed over with empty ambition

a young smile freezes the frame
but release a rush of memories
more colors in spring
and the old picture becomes a dream

the sight of my sadness shaken with joy
clears the glaze of acceptance
tears pour out, memories pour in
i am what you always remembered

the smile resides under a square black hat
between two parents full of love
and its direction?
towards me, of all eyes, mine

your hair cushions my chin, and a yearning collar
our wool jackets rub into static
the shock is softened by falling tears
a crying face under my chin, longing nothing else

suddenly flashes of  grey stone
and slices of black integrate
the picture loses focus and form
the memories end there

my mind awakes itself to a brown decayed pier
a half way torn down ferris wheel
resembling my acceptance
walking where i pass you every sunrise

the last frame remains frozen
just as it does every time it plays
on a wish for a smile
on tears over a gravestone